Advice on seeking advice and Pedestal Paradox

Advice on seeking well-meaning but sometimes irrelevant advice. First, completely ignore this all well-meaning advice (including this). 

However, feel free to read on at your own peril

I am sure you have, are and will continue to seek well-meaning advice from others who you think are older, knowledgable, experts, connected, while you are trying to climb the corporate ladder, building hi-tech products, getting feedback, sports, learning music, trying to find job, an ideal career or even partner or a date the list goes on.

I am also sure that many of you would have encountered challenges like

- Missing the opportunity because you were ill-informed.

- Right advice but ill-timed

- Advice that is out of depth

- Wrong advice that costed you

- Advice that you have always regretted about

There is no magic pill I am here to offer to you however no matter what your gripe is, understanding a few fundamental elements will help you.

Once you understand what is going on behind the scenes and “get it” transition becomes easier.

Advice is a subject matter expertise can certainly solve a particular challenge, a process to arrive at an outcome, enhance the state of awareness or get clarity around an issue or topic.

You may be wanting to stand on the shoulder of a giant or gain a morale boost, having clarity on why you are seeking advice and out of possible scenarios or outcomes is important. "If you don't know where you're going, any road'll take you there" said the Cheshire Cat (Alice and the Cheshire Cat in Chapter 6 of Lewis Carroll's Alice's Adventures in Wonderland ).

1. Pedestal paradox: This I find to be among the worst and undermines everything that follows. Imagine going to a show, all the lights, focus is on the podium you are nicely seated. You just discovered that the performance pathetic but everyone else around you is well seated. It is very hard to get out, well you have made an investment to be there, travelled all the way here, bought the expensive ticket. If you came with loved ones they are happy to be here. You do get caught up in this dilemma. More often than less you chose to go with the flow. This type of decision making transgresses in day to day real life. Knowingly or unknowingly we tend to put others on a pedestal be it by gender, title, age, position, race, looks, prestige and once we do that it makes it difficult for us to not take their advice. [1] (Geert Hofstede has done significant work on the cultural dimensions of which power-distance leads to pedestal paradox). Though the pedestal paradox could extend well beyond it, once put on pedestal their prowess is assumed. People off the pedestal assume they are subservient. People on the pedestal and off the pedestal assume their respective position of knowledge, skill ability or power[2]. To challenge that may simply mean that you will end up offending lot of people around you ( or perceive as such), unless of course you collectively chose to walk out causing a revolution and changing the person on the pedestal. Did you come across an authority where you questioned the legitimacy but found it extremely hard to confront?

1. Ego conflict: between seeker and provider of advice, I am sure you have read or heard a number of people who adorn the stage or communicate in a self-congratulatory manner. The purpose is not to help the seeker but to promote the self-interest, thus raising the pedestal further increasing the distance between seeker and provider of advice.

2. Relevance: think of it like a “date” tree, full of fruit but neither the shade nor the fruit is accessible easily. The context becomes completely irrelevant

3. Validation: There is a hidden assumption that is hard to validate for example I have noticed many entrepreneurs while pitching ideas to seek funds or assume the other party has the ability to fund them. When pedestal paradox exists suggestions, advice or mandates which are good or poor quality can not be truly validated

References:

1. Geert Hofstede(1984) Culture's Consequences

2. Poggi, G. (2016). Forms of Power.

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Best